The man rules

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear
the rules
From the female side….

 Now here are the rules from the male side.    

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1 “…ON PURPOSE!  

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1.Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something…Or tell us how you want it done…Not both.

1. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus (nor any other explorers) did NOT need directions and neither do we. 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.

1. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Cricket.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.


Woman’s logic

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’


What they will say at your funeral

Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, “When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”

The first guy says, “I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a loving family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like them to say that I was a caring husband and a schoolteacher who made a huge difference to kids.”

The last guy says, “I would like them to say — LOOK, he’s moving!”



“The best way to get something done is to begin”.

 And who would know that better than us procrastinators, right? We do everything possible in the book to delay a task and then… panic.

These are the tell-tale signs of an A-level procrastinator:1. You reassure yourself by saying that the task is easy or that you have enough time in hand

1. And so you end up watching your favourite TV show or movie.

2. You always try to sweet talk other people into doing your work

Money, food, whatever that can make them do your work.

3. You come up with the most believably ridiculous excuses to delay the work

4. You always prepare a list of things to be done, right down to the exact timings

And you get the satisfaction of finishing the work just by finishing the list

It’s another thing that you never see or follow the list again after making it.

5. You prioritize and mark tasks according to their order of importance

Just so that you can pass some more time before you actually have to start working.

6. You blame it on the monotony of the task that it’s taking you so long

7. You wait until the last minute to start your work

8. You constantly think about the deadline and…

…in your head you keep wishing it was few days away.

9. Finally when the deadline is around the corner, you tell yourself to keep calm

Like that’s going to help now.

10. You keep checking the time and divide your work into segments with deadlines of their own

You “believe” everything is going according to your plan.

11. You often go into a dreamland where the work in hand is done and you are being rewarded for it

12. You snap at people when they remind you that you are procrastinating

Because you know how hard you’ve been working. (in your mind)

13. When you finally realize you won’t be able to finish the work in time, you get into denial mode

“Not my fault”, “I still have ample time left” etc etc.

14. With the deadline finally approaching, you haphazardly just finish the task at hand

You mentally promise yourself never to procrastinate again.

15. Finally, you are just happy coz you put the “pro” in procrastinator

Like every master procrastinator, you’re cool that way!



Fire, fire, fire

A man’s house is on fire.

He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside.

Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.

So a fireman asks him, “Why are you going back in there?”

The man replies, “I’m turning over my mother-in-law.”



Do you know the relation between two eyes?
They never see each other… BUT

1. They blink together.
2. They move together.
3. They cry together.
4. They see together.
5. They sleep together.
They share a very deep bonded relationship…

However, when they see a pretty woman, one will blink and another will not…

Moral of the story: A pretty woman can break any relationship.



A dead mule

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the churchyard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department.

They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.

The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, “Why did you call me anyway? Isn’t it your job to bury the dead?”

The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response.

He was led to say, “Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!”


Classes for both women and men

[cryout-button-color url=”#” color=”#47AFFF”]CLASSES FOR WOMEN…. Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:[/cryout-button-color]

Topic 1. Silence, the Final Frontier:
Where No Woman Has Gone Before

Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking:
Making Deposits

Topic 3. Parties:
Going Without New Outfits

Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette:
Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

Topic 5. Communication Skills I:
Tears – The Last Resort, not the First

Topic 6. Communication Skills II:
Getting What you Want Without Nagging

Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely:
A Skill You CAN Acquire

Topic 8. Telephone Skills:
How to Hang Up

Topic 9. Classic Footwear:
Wearing Shoes You Already Have

Topic 10. Oil and Petrol:
Your Car Needs Both

[cryout-button-color url=”#” color=”#47AFFF”]NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!! ALL ARE WELCOME! OPEN TO MEN ONLY![/cryout-button-color]

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays.
Step by step with slide presentation.

Topic 2. Toilet paper rolls: do they grow on the holders?
Round-table discussion.

Topic 3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Topic 4. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.

Topic 5. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.

Topic 6. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.

Topic 7. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks?
Driving simulation.

Topic 8. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role playing.

Topic 9. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

Topic 10. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you’re going to be late.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions